TJ...a soon to be dad!

Okay, so I know I have already made a post this month and am supposed to not be a freak and post all the time ;) But I just could not wait any longer!

So, here we are at exactly 36 weeks (8 months), and this is the time that all the readings and doctors tell you to be ready at any given point for your baby to come. Well, we have been getting ready by finishing the baby room and packing our bags to leave at a moments notice; I am ready, the baby is ready...but what about TJ?

I am so grateful for TJ and all he has put up with for the past 8 months and could not be happier for our little girl to fall in love with her daddy; about a month ago I had a baby shower for my side of the family, and it was a very lovely get-together and...let me tell you, our baby is so spoiled and was 'showered' with many gifts. I wanted to show TJ just how much I appreciate him for all that he still does from night-time craving runs to helping me out of bed, putting my shoes on everyday for the past month or so, to dealing with the never ending hormones. (One moment I will be laughing and the next in tears--poor guy has dealt with so much and I have to admit he is very good at not laughing at me when I cry over something so silly!)

How could I show TJ how much I care about him? I cant throw a man-shower...that would be weird. I never really told TJ in a cute way that he was going to be a dad, it was really...awkward. I got home from taking a test at Shopko, he was asleep in the bedroom from taking our pictures earlier and wasn't very coherent; he saw the box and figured if I had woken him up to show it to him I must be pregnant. So I thought this was a cute way of 'announcing' he is going to be a dad.

(I was so excited, this was supposed to be a Fathers Day gift for TJ (mixed with an anniversary present to both of us). I have been preparing it for a few weeks and just finished getting everything today while he was at work. I wrapped it all up and was thinking....I cannot wait another moment, I have to give it to him today! (everybody knows I hate surprises and I am horrible at keeping some things a secret.) )

I told TJ that I did something bad and that he wasn't going to be too happy with me; he kept asking me what I broke or what I bought (man, does this guy know me or what?!) So I led him to think that something was wrong. BUT I couldn't text him what I did, it would have to wait until he could see it after we got home from the midwife.

       This is what he was looking at when he opened our bedroom door...a clean made bed! And a gift for him ;)

                                     

                                             I tried to make this as cute as possible for him

• For those who do not know, we have started collecting Willow Tree figurines ever since we got one for our wedding and I was looking at some and came across this gem. The little note reads "How much I love you and our growing little family" <3 

•  Hershey's Cookies and Cream Kisses: "A simple reminder to spoil her with lots of hugs and kisses! xoxoxox"

•  We have been wanting to invest in a new camera and not just use our phones for everything so thanks to Amazon we now have a great camera that we got at a great price! New Camera: "to the many many pictures to be taken of our little family!:

•  Haha, okay this technically was not a part of the gift. He really needed new razors and I told him I forgot to get them while I was out shopping...I just couldn't help but think it would be cute to add it in. :) "For a clean shaved face as soft as a baby's bum" (as you can tell from the video, he REALLY needed this!)

•  These are addicting and something that I sure have enjoyed eating while pregnant, and I got TJ hooked on them as well. I told him all the candy was for him ONLY....this is going to be rough on our little girl (haha) Sour Patch Kids: "At times she may be a stinker (and sour), remember she is sweet underneath"

•  I told TJ this was all for him....I couldn't help but pick our yet another outfit and it really is darling. New Outfit: An outfit you can dress her in that only speaks the truth" (for those who cannot really read it the shirt says 'My Daddy's Wrapped 'round my little fingers!')

•  New Shirts: "Clean new shirts when the rest have spit-up on them" TJ loves Batman and I told him 'He will always be our Superhero' and then who could not love Sheldon and his Bazinga? 'To remember to laugh even during the hard times.'

• Princess book: "A princess story for you to read to our little princess" 

There it is, out in the open since I am really terrible on waiting. So since this was an early Fathers day gift, I would like to wish all those dads and soon-to-be dads a Happy Fathers day! 

Mirrors: look into the past, present, and future

This post is a collaboration of many thoughts and events: first and foremost is what is coming up in this next few weeks- the celebration of TJ and I being married for one magical year.

      What a handsome guy he is...we didn't know it yet, but this is our first picture as a growing family!

If you talked to me about three years ago my opinion on marriage, I would have told you straight to the face I was not interested in marriage...at all. It was really hard growing up and seeing my mom's (who is so amazing and loving) marriages not work out--and don't get me wrong, she gave 200% all the time; it was just the men that were not as giving in the marriage and that made it really hard to want the desire to get married.

Yes, I had tons of boyfriends during my dating years and several I thought about marrying but that thought was quickly diminished after I saw a flaw or something that reminded me of my father figure. It was really rough and when I got into a 4-year on and off relationship and it turned into something very abusive I was for sure NEVER going to get married.

Then why did I go to BYU-Idaho? After breaking up with this guy for the final time I decided I really needed some soul searching, I was not in the best place and I needed out and a fresh new start. I was always against going to any BYU school because I always thought it was weird and everybody was the same. I woke up one morning having this urge to fill out the application and go to Idaho. I felt like it was worth a shot but I was never going to be accepted.

Congratulations, you have been accepted to Brigham Young University-Idaho...wait--what? I was happy to start my journey on a fresh path of rocks I packed immediately and went on my way. But when I got there I was apprehensive about marriage and still believed that some marriages were meant to be...but not for me. Until I met TJ.

The two years it has taken us to get where we are now are...an emotional roller coaster; from the time we started English class together we became the best of friends. My roommates would joke around saying what a cutie he was and we were bound to be married by the end of the semester...those silly girls! We would go on fun adventures that made him stand out more and his creativity was appealing to me. It finally hit me, IF I ever got married I could see myself with him.

My second semester I started doing some soul searching in one of my classes and determine what I wanted in life and try to look at all the pro's in marriage as well. This was the time TJ and I became closer than before (after a break-up that was...very harsh and negative) I decided to share my feelings with TJ, but he had a girlfriend--I always open my mouth at the wrong time! So by the end of the semester I had changed my opinion and decided marriage wasn't half bad and it was something I could see myself doing in the near future, so TJ and I gave it a shot...but that didn't last long so we went back to being friends.

He was the only person I really talked to, we texted each other over Christmas break and in January decided to try once more, and again...another fail, long distance did not help. We lost connection but I couldn't stand to not talk to him, so....ONE.MORE.TIME. and...ta-da! Apparently it worked because here we are celebrating one year of marriage.

I could not feel any more blessed to be with this humble man; he has truly changed my life for the better and eternity doesn't seem that bad when I see it with him ;)

Now, my second thought: OH MY GOSH...we are just a few weeks away from being parents!

                                       Here I was at 34 weeks...goodness I am a big fella' ;)

In my late teen years, I didn't want kids. I really didn't have a desire to raise children of my own--it was a scary concept and it was something my roommate was so boggled with, how could I not want kids? She would sometimes get upset with me because this was my calling from Heavenly Father and I didn't want to do it. This was a hard thing for TJ to grasp onto, not knowing all the reasons why it is probably one of the reasons it took so long to get married.

But if you have guessed, my opinion has changed completely...or this would be really awkward. I could not be happier than to soon be fulfilling my calling as a Daughter of God and raise children of my own so they can live the best life they can to return home to His presence.

As a mother to be, I am nervous out of my whits. What if I don't teach them something they should know? What if I am not the best role model to them? These questions have entered my mind ever since I said 'yes' to my wonderful guy. We have often talked about these...challenges and fears and its been difficult for me to look past it all and see the bright side.

I will admit, my life is far from being perfect and it is hard to try and raise children in a righteous manner when I was so rebellious in my later youth years. TJ has been reassuring to me I will be a wonderful mother and a great role model for our children because I have seen life from a different perspective; I can give my children insight that he cannot and visa versa. That is why we make such a great team and yet another reason why I am so blessed to have him as my husband for time and all eternity.

It is scary to have people think you are not perfect, then yet again NOBODY is perfect so it is silly to even care what people think about you. This is a struggle for me because I for sure married up and I want to be the best wife I possibly can and be the close-to-perfect- wife for my husband. He already thinks I am more than amazing (which helps); but when it comes to family, not all of them know me and my struggles and its really not necessary to go into depth. But I am very fortunate and grateful for the family I have in my life; for the loving mother who has raised me into the woman I am now, showing me how the Atonement works in a family, to love and forgive. My incredible Mother-in-Law who has shown me to love unconditionally and has risen above a past and make the best of it- you truly look forward in life and raised an incredible young man. Also, my sister-like-cousin, Cyndi...for helping me enter a new path and a reminder to look into the future and away from the past. Showing me how awesome motherhood is and letting me be apart of the kiddos' life so I too can be excited about my future family.

This has helped me most in my preparation for becoming a mother--looking at the great examples in my life-- and I cannot be more excited for our little princess to enter this world! To see what kind of mother I will be, to see my loving husband hold our little girl and spoil her. To have her grow up in a loving home with the knowledge of eternal families and feel safe, to let her feel the love we have for her to be apart of our eternal family and someday (a very long someday) start her eternal family with a husband who will love her like her daddy loves her mommy. All of this I am so grateful for and cannot imagine my life being any different.

Its been one year. One year with many challenges and many laughs, its been a challenging road but I am so grateful to be spending it with my wonderful husband and would not change it for a million bucks!

We are so grateful for the love and support from family and friends as we begin our journey into parenthood and are anxious to meet our little girl in less than five weeks!

One of those days...

Well here we are on week 30! I cannot believe we are getting closer and closer to meeting our little one, we are both very anxious and nervous--I guess you could say we are feeling the normal first-time-parents jitters. ;) At my latest midwife appointment I went in and they were in process of delivering a baby and I got to hear the baby cry for the first time--talk about wonderful feelings!


Not too much has been happening since our last update, just getting things ready for baby and trying to get as much done around the house. TJ and I have decided that its best to take the precautions needed and having me be home more (to ween myself into being a stay-at-home-mom). With that I have had more time to become a better wife--you know--I can now keep up on the never-ending house work and always make sure we are having something put together for dinner rather than...cereal (haha). I, luckily, have started the 'nesting' period of my pregnancy, wanting to deep clean everything in site, and it is honestly driving TJ crazy! He comes home after a long day at work and I am happily cleaning my way around and dragging him into these extra curricular activities. :)

I started taking up Yoga, the one thing that they tell pregnant woman to take an interest in because its calming, doesn't give you the fast beating heart-rate that isn't so good, and it helps stretch out (I have noticed that it helps to stretch out as much as possible to help prevent the foot in ribs...well basically it makes mommy and baby a LOT more comfortable and happy). I started off with the basic regular yoga...it started off great, then the video continued and started doing things (like bringing your knee to your forehead) which seemed nearly impossible with this belly I now have! Luckily, my hubby is so great and decided to help out as much as he could and found me some pregnant yoga videos to watch; and...well its going a ton better when the instructor is on the same wave length and doesn't have you try to go crazy and put that knee to the forehead!

It sure has been an adventure being pregnant...recently a friend was trying to describe how when after you eat you just feel great and relaxed like you can almost sleep? Welp, I would love to say that I know the feeling but...I don't! I have little feet that LOVE to move around and 'explore' a different spot in my belly/ribs; don't get me wrong, I do love feeling her move...I just get more excited for her being here so I can actually have that relaxing feeling ;) Life is really great, everyday I take a look at the blessings that I do have and remember how much my Savior loves me. It makes me so happy that I am sealed to TJ for all eternity and that our daughter (its so weird saying OUR daughter, but so exciting) will have a happy home with the knowledge that we love her so much and will be together beyond this world.

Lately, I have reflected the memory of getting married and being so calm inside...then came the realization that we are going to be together forever...chills went up and down my spine! (good ones) I am so incredibly grateful that my Heavenly Father loves me so much he has given me the chance to be with TJ forever--He knows that the time in this world is just not long enough for either of us.-- Now look at us, growing our eternal family with a baby!

I have lately become....less independent on the basic everyday routine things that it drives me crazy! First off, I give kudos to those pregnant women who don't have a man around (not saying that I am for that, but I do not know how they do it), putting on shoes is a simple task , but seems nearly impossible for me! Recently I blew out 21 candles on a cake for my birthday...My wish will most likely not be true because it took me a good two or three blows to to get those suckers out! I feel like those people from Walle getting out of bed in the middle of the night or getting up period (I have come to the one...two...three, go method). How I get hungry so fast now, and my feet hurt so easily...I am not kidding...the list goes on and on! BUT I was scrolling through the wonderful world of Facebook and saw one of my LDS friends from a class at BYU-I post something called "Porn for Pregnant Ladies"...what? Shouldn't I be a little concerned? I will check it out! (Me, I was thinking it was something on delivery or breastfeeding) But, no....even better--It seriously made me laugh so hard I nearly peed my pants (that's not too hard to do now days either)

Porn for Pregnant Ladies

There you have it, enjoy the laughter because it doesn't get better than this!

My dream come true!

My dream has finally come true! It is finally spring; my favorite season by far and it has been so nice and warm lately that it has even made my pregnancy better! Of course I still have those days that majority of pregnant women get...you know the ones where the foot stays in the ribs and just plain discomfort? Yup...those would be the days.

I have realized that I just have to endure it, since its not going to get a ton better in the future...just more discomfort ;) I know it is cheesy to say but I love feeling my little girl kick inside of me--what a blessing I get to have the privilege to be a parent. I have fallen completely in love with her and it doesn't help when I am getting her room ready and fold all those darling clothes that will belong to her...I want her here NOW! 

I am getting more and more round everyday it seems and its starting to be more noticeable to those around me and now I don't look fat, but obviously pregnant. One of my fears when I first got pregnant was: I didn't know how I would feel with people touching my belly...just the concept is weird, I don't know where YOUR hands have been and I don't KNOW you...why are you touching my belly? I can admit that only a few have touched my stomach and I am glad (especially working in restaurants or anywhere really that you see people everyday all day long). But I do hear that it gets worse when you get bigger and bigger. Before my pregnancy I loved giving people hugs and getting hugged, but since I have been pregnant I feel it awkward at times and a tad bit uncomfortable (since my belly sticks out now).

But, enough about the obvious and lets move on to what an amazing few days its been! On Saturday we had the opportunity to go to Idaho to see the Courts (a really close family I grew up with) and since we were that way I received the chance to go visit my sister-in-law and her husband and have dinner with them. It was wonderful to sit and chat with them, catch up for a short time and just enjoy the little time we get with them. We cannot wait to see them in a few weeks and spend a little more time with them! Easter was such a great day, we spent it with my family, eating at my grandparents and celebrating my moms birthday--nice and calming.

And what could get better than that, right? Well, my brother proposed to his girlfriend and now they are planning a summer wedding (just glad its not me again--I'm happy this only happens once, the stress of a wedding can last you a life time!) It seems like our summer has now disappeared, with a baby and now a wedding...we cannot wait! I am so anxious for time just to fly by so: A. our baby will be here, and B. I love weddings, and its even better that its my brother who is getting married...which brings me to C. My oldest brother, Jason, will be traveling out for the wedding which is really exciting to be all together again! (Its so funny how when we were younger we would always count down the days til so and so moved out or 'wish they were never born' just to get away from them and then when you get older they really do become your best friends!)

One thing I have been anxious to do since about... September ;) is going into a hot tub, so I am wanting this little princess to hurry and make her entrance before the beginning of July--crossing fingers for end of June-- so I can kind of enjoy the summer by swimming and hot tubing with our dear friends!

I already get anxiety thinking about leaving her, even if it is for an hour--so thinking about the wedding and going into the sealing for a short time I am still anxious about leaving her! I hope this is normal (because I don't want to be considered crazy at all!) BUT I have to learn to do so...she will be so spoiled either way, I just don't want her to be one of those deprived children and be a clingy mom ;)

Well, time to wrap it all up; I am so excited the warmer weather is coming (might as well enjoy it now since I won't here soon enough)...keep the warm weather coming because that just means its closer to having a baby, celebrating a wedding for my brother and soon-to-be-sister-in-law, and of course being able to spend time with BOTH my families for these events! Oh goodness, happy day!!!

Holy nine months!

That is right, holy nine months!- where has the time gone? This post is to celebrate TJ and I being married for a wonderful nine months! It has not seemed so long, but the journey has been no walk in the park; just like every marriage we have our ups and downs but we always learn to make it through to live another day. I am just in complete shock that we are almost over with the first year of marriage and have a baby on the way! Things have not been the easiest though; first off in September I got mono and then all the sudden I am pregnant...something we are both excited about, but were not really planning at that specific time. (We were finishing our paperwork to go into the military and TJ was getting promoted at work...so we have had to hold off plan A and live plan B-which we are very happy with-)

It is nice to have someone to come home to at night, and to think its been nine months already (it feels like a snap of a finger), I just get so much more excited for the eternity ahead of us! And even more exciting, it was just like yesterday that we found news we were expecting Baby Carney and here we are almost 6 months along...only a little while longer until we get to meet our precious baby!

After we had decided to switch from a doctor to a midwife, we had become far along in the stage of pregnancy for the half way check-just to see if the baby was developing normally and find out the sex if desired. Well, our baby is growing just perfect and healthy in every way! At first we were deciding what we wanted to know as far as the sex went; did we want to find out right away or be surprised? HAHA that is funny...I couldn't wait any longer I NEEDED to know that we were for sure having a boy; stop the anticipation and guessing once and for all...We knew we were having a boy. So, we were looking up cute ideas to announce what we were having and it came down to: do we both get surprised AFTER the ultrasound with friends and family or do we both just find out at the ultrasound? Now, this is--or was--a big deal for me, I wanted to be surprised and surprise TJ (since he likes surprising me and I hate it...it was time to taste his own medicine ;) ). It was decided TJ was going to close his eyes during that portion of the ultrasound and I was going to find out the sex of the baby but reveal it later in some cool way. It honestly was the best idea, I loved seeing TJ clueless and I knew something so important. He looked at me and he said he already knew it was a boy so it was okay to hold it in...there was no surprise. I had everything planned out for the night of and with great help it was a success! Boy, oh boy, we were BOTH shocked!

My reaction: When the ultrasound technician told TJ to close his eyes I was getting all giddy inside I couldn't wait to know for sure we were having a little boy...she said it would be pretty obvious if we happened to go over that area and if TJ had his eyes open- so I thought the surprise was ruined for sure because we kept seeing something that looked like a boy part, so I was just a little low that my surprise didn't work out. But, our technician was very good at keeping that part a secret (I'm surprised on how they know where to look to get the information that they need!) When it came time we were both looking at the screen and I honestly had no idea what I was looking for. She finally typed on the screen "XX" and it took me a minute to start rethinking back to biology what those letters meant. (My brain was a little too excited and nervous to think straight so she typed it in 'english') "Its a girl"....wait-there must be a mistake, I looked at her twice and my eyes said 'did you double check?' all she could do was smile and kind of giggle a little.

We were having a little Girl! I was so excited I began to cry a little, but I wanted to conceal my face for when TJ looked back up that my face held the perfect secret. Man that was a rough day...I dropped TJ off and was just so excited I HAD to tell someone. So I called up my partner in crime-watching-videos and told her the news! She was so excited for me and we had a nice visit (she was at the store with her three kids and...I give her props, she is an amazing mom and does so well dealing with all of that!) So I was at work and just waiting for time to pass so I could pick up TJ from work, Tana was in on the secret and was helping me make the surprise happen (she did such a great job!).


I picked up TJ and we went to dinner, he was getting so ansi! It was killing him but I was enjoying the surprise....and then soon it was time to reveal the big surprise!

So there you have it, we were both in shock to find out we were having a girl, we were for sure it was a boy and the fact that it wasn't was a little disappointing, but we couldn't be happier to have a little girl!

In my last blog, I talked a little about how I was not attached to the baby inside of me and I heard it was normal. I decided to wait until I could feel some kicking and then decide if I loved it or not. Well, the kicking came and I was....unsure...I didn't know if I loved the baby or not, did this mean I was going to be a bad mom? No, it meant I was doing everything right; everyone has those doubts and if you don't feel a connection when you get kicked it just means it takes a little loner (I have done my research on this because it was my main fear that I was not going to truly love this child). Now to answer the question: Do I love my little girl? The answer is, of course! It is such an amazing feeling (and weird) when she kicks me. Today I was relaxing and I felt her kick and I looked down, I could see my belly moving when she kicked me and I could see her stretching as well! (such a life changing experience) All I could do was smile and try to get her to move some more for me.

My favorites have been when TJ talks to her and can feel her move and kick (though it is faint he can still feel her) I had him lay down on my stomach the other day and he got to feel her kick him in the head- which was way cool for both of us!-


I am so excited to be a mother because I have such a loving and caring husband that gets to be a daddy; knowing how great he is and will be, makes me that much more excited for our little girl to get here! He takes great care of both of us (spoils our little princess more than he should ;) ) and it makes it that much easier to prepare more for her arrival!

Every Elevator has its Ups and Downs

       It seems just like yesterday when those magical lines showed up on that eight dollar pee stick; I still remember that day so vivid and the whole experience was a bit of a shock to me! But hey, this was a goal for TJ and I; we both wanted kids-but at this point we were not trying to get pregnant (but we were not taking the steps to prevent it though as well.) Around the time we did get pregnant I was just getting over a month long of having mono and being super sick and then much to my surprise I was pregnant! My doctor told me to expect an irregular period so when that irregular period happened I didn't put too much thought into it.

But soon enough I started feeling a hard weird thing in my stomach, it wasn't painful but it sure made some other things hard to enjoy, and my ladies started getting a lot thicker (I wasn't complaining, I was thinking that was the growth spurt I have been waiting for for so long!)  Then one Saturday, my cousin and I decided-she decided and I agreed knowing I was giving my hopes up anyways- to go get a test and make sure everything was...normal with me on that level. Then low and behold...BAM!!!!

           I ended up taking four more tests after this...I couldn't really believe it, it was more of a I-feel-like-I-am-being-punk'd kind of haze. But all five tests had shown up positive! TJ and I were elated, excited to share the news with our family that we were having a baby!

So the next necessary steps were to look into doctors and getting prenatal care so both the baby and I would be in healthy condition. I didn't know where to start or even what to do, I felt like an idiot having to call everyone and asking the obvious questions; BUT I am glad that they were there and so loving and supportive to make sure that I was getting the things I needed to, taken care of. I got in contact with a doctor and set up an appointment for a few days after Thanksgiving.

I was so anxious all of November and it was incredible that each day I was getting closer to being able to see that little blastocyst inside of me! And finally the day came we got to meet the little sucker on screen.

Here is our first ultrasound of Baby Carney; 11-27-2012, 8weeks 4 days

              So clearly there was evidence of a baby so...why was I all the sudden feeling so off? I will be honest, and this is hard for me to come to terms with on my own; but I thought the day I found out I was expecting I would love the nudger from day one...I have yet to feel that emotion, and I felt terrible for the longest time, and in fact still do. How can I not love something that I am creating? Well, good news is -especially those who are preparing to have children and this will be your first pregnancy- it is totally normal! It is really embarrassing to ask and I had to ask a coworker (Not even my own mom!) if what I was experiencing a normal sign or if I was deranged and going to be a psycho mom who hated her child. So, yes it is a very normal feeling and it will soon be diminished when you actually start to feel the baby move and kick. 

          You know that feeling you got when you were younger and you wanted to be older? For an example; you barely turned twelve and you are already saying that you are almost thirteen? (Maybe I was weird when I was younger). But you never felt satisfied, you always wanted to be that older age- Again I feel this is how pregnancy is, (and this might just be me as well) I was barley 9 weeks and I was already saying almost 10 and so on and so forth. Then miraculously it happened to be that I was 12 weeks along...that meant it was time to see the baby again! TJ and I were even more excited because this was taken on Christmas Eve, what better gift could any soon-to-be-parents ask for than to see there baby waving at them? (I do admit it was a pretty joyous feeling watching a little hand waving on the screen)

See that...alien lookin' thing? Yeah that's my baby :)

Baby Carney; 12-24-2012, 12weeks 4days

            After that appointment, I started feeling...uneasy and uncomfortable about my choice of a doctor. I started looking secretly into other doctors and reading reviews, but none felt...like they were meant to be my doctor. I had been thinking a lot on how cool it would be to do a water birth since I loved taking baths so much (haha I know strange reason), and every place I looked would let you labor in water but never actually birth in water; I was so disappointed! During this time of searching, TJ and I ran across some...financial issues on how we would pay for this baby (insurance companies will make sure its impossible to get covered if you are previously pregnant-even if you are 4 weeks along and haven't been to a doctor yet). So with that situation we were stuck, there is no way we could have popped out 14+ grand for a baby and I was especially not giving it to a doctor that I was not comfortable with!

So I did a little more research and suddenly my cousins wife, Cyndi, didn't seem so crazy about having a midwife and natural births after all! I am in no way a tough person when it comes to pain and I beg for drugs to take pain away, but I kept reading on what actually goes on when you are having a baby and some of the drugs they inject with are scary! But I finally found the woman-or midwife- of my dreams! (I know, cheesy of me) I asked Cyndi who she had deliver all three of her precious babies and she referred me to an amazing midwife, I have only interviewed with her once, but the things she knows and the way she practices is just so calming and relaxing its hard not to love her! 

I am terrified of having my baby, I know there will be pain and I am not sure how exactly I am going to get through it but I have an amazing support group and 'team' I am excited to be birthing with! My mom thought I was "brave" meaning "crazy and nuts" for wanting to even try to go the all natural way with giving birth but each time we talk about it she gets more and more excited about it (after all, she isn't pushing a baby out) and cannot wait to meet her first grandchild! 

If you are considering a natural birth or even just knowing you will do a hospital birth because its what to do, research every option you have-because all in all, you have a voice and you should have your baby how you desire and not be pressured into something you don't want to do (my previous doctor did that to me a lot and that was a major deciding factor on my research into a midwife). That is my little...rant for the time being ;)

          As of now I am 16-almost 17weeks along and getting bigger and bigger (I cry because I am fat and have a belly that really isn't *that* big haha...poor TJ how does he put up with me?!) but I am feeling better each day so there is a bright side to this pregnancy or 'honeymoon' stage. We are excited with our decision to go with a natural water birth and continue to grow (no pun intended) and learn the most we can from our experienced midwife! We actually get to hear our babies heartbeat tomorrow for the first time-on my Husband's birthday- what cooler gift is there?!?! I guess I am a pretty cool wife, though for planning that out so well ;)

I hate being sick, and not just morning sickness

Well,  as the world has come to know; TJ and I are expecting a little one. We are way excited and guessed the baby will be arriving sometime in the summer of next year-Which is a LONG time for mom!- But we are slowly preparing ourselves and reading up on all we can, gearing up to meet our little one soon. This past week I quit my job (probably not on the best terms, but I am better off now) and got to spend time finding myself...and that has been nice!

Recently -as in Tuesday- my step dad suffered from a severe stroke that has started a new journey in my moms life and as I sit by and watch and visit I see the struggles that are just beginning. I know that by faith that he will continue to heal and progress!

Spending quality time at home and making it a good one, as far as getting to clean and make it look good has helped my moods and make it feel more homey rather than before I rarely did anything because I was always so busy with work; so this will be a nice change working less!


So, on Thursday TJ got sick; and I being super cautious about everything now days tried to prevent the sickness from spreading to me...well that didn't get too far I am getting better but I know that I need to kick it in the butt soon since it is not healthy for the baby as well. That is my big thing right now is to get the adequate nutrition that I need and as well as sleep so that I can feel better.

We are both excited to be going to the doctors soon so we can meet our little one in the ultrasound. I am anxious as well as nervous as far as me being a candidate for high risk, and seeing if the baby is healthy (any worries or concern a mom-to-be would have). But besides the fact of the worries we get to see him and see when he will be due. Now I say he...I as well as most of my family think we are having a boy. I had a wonderful dream last night that we had a boy and we was so beautiful and healthy! I guess you could say it has been a "mom revelation  but I keep feeling like it is a boy, not a girl. I know that I really want a baby girl more than anything. But this baby doesn't feel like a girl (I know it is crazy since it is too early to detect) but I just have this gut feeling its a boy and he is so beautiful!

Any morning sickness? Heck no! I am still anticipating that to happen but I might as well enjoy the time that I do have not puking my brains out, right? I have experienced a ton of cramping, which I hear is super normal since your uterus is growing and causes cramping (I guess you can say I have read up on it everyday) but other than that I feel great! I am nervous still waking up every so day and freaking out since I have something growing inside of me. -I do hear that it gets better, haha, that once you feel the baby kick its so wonderful!- I can't wait to feel that connection with our baby that every mother talks about!

Other than that, its just time to wait and see where our journey goes as far as baby, moving, and more baby!